Introduction

Feeling overwhelmed by stress and desperately trying to control it? It's time for a shift in perspective. Welcome to " I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore!", a guide that explores a different approach to managing stress. In this article, we'll delve into effective tools and techniques for stress management. So let's dive in and discover how to create a more stress-free life filled with possibilities.

Don't Try To Control, Try To Create

For many years, I thought the key to defeating stress was controlling or managing it, but I often felt like singing the dramatic song "I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore."

If you are anything like me, the stress control concept is a dismal failure. In recent years, I've changed my tactics from controlling to creating options. I am stressed if I perceive that I am trapped, stuck, or otherwise not in control of the situation. If I perceive that the person or situation I'm dealing with is unpleasant, but I also perceive that I can create multiple options to deal with that situation, suddenly and miraculously, my stress reduces. If I feel the effects of chronic stress in my body, I feel ill. How, practically speaking, can I create options?

Step 1: Understand The Situation & Adjust Expectation

When I was in college, I worked with school-aged kids with Autism and ADHD when the field was newly emerging. Many of the parents were frustrated with the situation they found themselves in. There were very few resources available to help families cope with the diagnosis; the children would act out impulsively, and the parents would be frustrated that the kids were setting "bad behavior" examples for their younger siblings. On several occasions, we reminded the parents that these children never asked to be a firstborn or an older sibling and that setting a good example to younger kids was an unrealistic expectation being placed upon them. We would help them discuss proper expectations and reduce the anxiety of all involved.

Managing Expectations

This example may seem unrelated to your stress, but I assure you, special needs kids are not the only people in the world who have unrealistic expectations placed upon them. We always do it to friends, family, and even strangers! Sadly, we also do it to ourselves. How often do you beat yourself up about things you can't control?

The next time you feel stressed, ask yourself, "Am I placing unrealistic expectations on myself or the world around me?" If the answer is "YES!" then coach yourself through changing your expectations. Jack Canfield teaches a powerful concept: turn from being your inner critic to your inner coach. Don't beat yourself up, learn, grow, and push to be better!

Step 2: Discover What Can Be Agreed Upon

Michael Wilkinson, CEO of Leadership Strategies (a professional facilitation company), discusses a unique communication concept: Violent Agreement.

"The parties agree but don't know it, so they continue to argue."¹ I always see this in our group sessions with wellness teams. Two people want the same thing but are so entrenched in defending their viewpoint that they don't take the time to listen. Once they do, they usually say something like, "You meant ____? Why didn't you say that- that's what I want too!"

An Expectations Anecdote

A funny example happened as our two teenage sons were doing spring cleaning and minor house repairs with my husband.

He was exhausted, but he was also very proud of the hard work the boys had put in. He needed to know that they would not quit on him at the end, so he began talking with them and praising them for their efforts. Then he said we had a lot of work to complete and left the sentence hanging.

The boys agreed quietly and kept doing their job. This is the moment when the violent agreement occurred. My husband wanted the boys to agree that there was much work to be done and to volunteer to continue. The boys planned on continuing until completion because that was what was agreed upon.

Because my husband did not state his expectations (enthusiastic response), and the boys did not state theirs (we already agreed, nothing more to discuss), and my husband wrongly assumed they were unwilling to continue enthusiastically. They got their feelings hurt because he assumed something about them that wasn't true and said it. After a few minutes of tension, we discovered that everyone had the same expectation, and there was nothing to argue about.

What We Learned

This example shows how easily we can agree with someone else and yet not get the desired effect. So why not focus on what can be agreed upon and then hash out the finer points? In our chores scenario, everyone could agree that they had gotten a lot done and had more to do. They could also agree that they needed to work together to complete, and they enjoyed working together. Once they did that, it would have been evident that completion and attitude were not issues, and they could happily move on to other things.

Zooming Out

When you feel stressed with others, ask yourself if you are experiencing a "violent agreement." Then, act as your coach again to help find common ground.

Step 3: Question Your Stand

"In 100 years, will this matter?"

I stressed about the smallest things When I was very sick a few years ago. I am convinced I had more fatigue, pain, and sick days because of the stress I placed on myself. As I walked further down the path, I developed a question I would ask myself when I felt the panic rising. I immediately eliminated most of my stress by asking myself if the stressful issue would matter in 100 years. For example, "If my daughter wants to wear mismatched clothes to school, will that matter in 100 years?" or "Will getting to the Christmas party on time matter in 100 years?" The answer to both of those is probably not! This question also helped me focus on what matters because sometimes the answer to this question is a resounding "YES!" For example, "Will the time I spend helping my child build character matter in 100 years?" or "Will donating to a charity that helps ease world hunger matter in 100 years?" You can put on your 100-year glasses and look into the future to help you decide what is worth your time and attention.

Step 4: Self-Care

Stress is not only in our head; it also affects our body. Most of us walk around in a chronic stress state, meaning we do not have small bursts of stress that punctuate an otherwise calm life. The stress hormone cortisol produces a "fight or flight" response in our body. In an emergency, this stress response will save your life, but chronically, it damages you! The Mayo Clinic explains it this way, "The long-term activation of the stress-response system - and the subsequent overexposure to cortisol and other stress hormones - can disrupt almost all your body's processes. "² So what can we do?

Tip #1: Support your body with good supplements

Adrenamed GL50 gives your adrenal glands needed help to deal with the unavoidable stresses of life. Many of our clients consider this their "must-have" supplement to make it through the stress of life. They report decreased fatigue and better stress response by supporting the gland that is our cortisol (stress hormone) factory. Adrenal glands can get worn down by chronic stress!

Power Greens help your body detoxify from oxidants (like rust in your body). Oxidants are bad news, causing a host of problems like cancer, premature aging, and neurologic issues. One study from 2009 says, "Apart from several other environmental or genetic factors, oxidative stress (OS) leading to the free radical attack on neural cells contributes to the calamitous role to neuro-degeneration."³

The nutrient Inositol has been shown to reduce anxiety in several studies and actually helped with OCD symptoms better than traditional medications.⁴ To get Inositol into your life, you can use:

• Multimedica (Men or Women)
• Foundations Essentials (Men or Women)
• Lipid Factors
• Multiplex Complete
• ThyroMedica Plus

Tip # 2: Eat Your Greens!

There is power in a healthy diet! Remember that you fill your gas tank every time you eat or drink! You wouldn't pull up to the gas station and then dump sugar in the tank of your car, would you? You should not expect to run your body on the wrong fuel! If you know you don't eat enough balanced, highly plant-based foods, we suggest a multi-vitamin like Multimedia.

Tip #3 Eustress Yourself

Finally, I want to encourage you to be good to yourself. There are two kinds of stress: distress (commonly known as "stress") and eustress or good stress. Hans Seylee is the father of this field of study, and he encourages people to decrease bad stress and increase good stress. So when life feels out of control, sing at the top of your lungs with the radio, see a funny movie, exercise, laugh with friends, and do something YOU love. I guarantee you will feel better about the world around you!

Remember, by adjusting your expectations, finding agreement, choosing what's important to you, and caring for your body, you can fight back against the tide of chronic stress.